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John Fluevog scratches heads, announcing unprecedented bid for ‘Prime President’


April 2019 — John Fluevog Shoes

In a bizarre, but on second thought, strangely appropriate move, designer John Fluevog announced early this morning his bid to run for the position of ‘Prime President’ in the year 2020. Though not currently a legitimate position, Fluevog describes his fantastical imagining of ‘Prime President’ as the first ever ‘democratically elected leader of present day Canada, the United States and the Netherlands – united as one’.

Outlining his goals in a twenty-five page summary complete with what appear to be hand-drawn sketches made available only to press, the Canadian designer describes the position as ‘ambitious but well within reach’ in the ‘unpredictable and amity deficient’ world of today. Equally fascinated by all three current nations, John sees his proposed candidacy as ‘a way to merge the best of each country and walk side by side with unique souls across physical and cultural barriers…probably in some pretty great shoes too’. Each nation is currently home to at least one and as many as fourteen Fluevog Shoe stores.   

Further outlined in the platform are ambitious goals designed by John to improve the lives of his constituents. Among these initiatives include affordable foot housing for all, universal foot-related medical care, free and accessible orthopaedic education and of course, government support for resisting boredom.

Though John is without any real experience as a world leader or political figure, he aims to rely on his ‘good Canadian manners and general inclination to be kind‘ to guide him through what promises to be an incredibly challenging and possibly delusional position.

Spokespersons for the current leaders of all three nations have yet to announce their public responses, though curious whispers, silent indifference and nothing discernible was reportedly heard in and around Ottawa, DC and the Hague respectively.

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