By John Fluevog
Nancy was a girl who always had plenty of mojo. Aside from that, she had a boyfriend named Rufus Magoo, a cat called Kitschy Kitschy Boom Boom, a lovely collection of marbles and a prized dried bug collection from high school. Nancy was pretty much “with the program”. She liked polka dots, roll up socks and glitzy outfits with screaming high heels. She also happened to have a PhD in fuel cell technology.
If you ever met Nancy, it would not be all the cool stuff she had that would impress you. It would be her entire aura instead. ‘Wow, that girl has major mojo,’ you would say. She had a deep and beautiful soul and if you’ve ever seen one, you’ll know exactly what I mean. So there came a time deep in a season in her life that she encountered boredom. It tried to take away her mojo. All her jump and jive was being threatened by, well, let’s just call him who he was: Mr. Bore. Dastardly and completely predictable Mr. Bore.
Mr. Bore was a sad sicko who whispered in her ear: don’t do this or don’t do that or really, don’t do anything unless it’s a bore. He was small and invisible and sat on her shoulder and whispered lies of boredom into Nancy’s ear.
Something had to be done. Nancy had to get Mr. Bore off her shoulder. Rufus, Kitschy Kitschy Boom Boom and even her marble collection (if you can believe that) missed Nancy’s mojo.
Nancy spoke to Rufus, confided in Kitschy Kitschy Boom Boom, rolled out her marble collection and even gently touched her dried bug collection from high school. But nothing seemed to help. What could she do? Mr. Bore did not want to leave and Nancy was starting to get used to his boring ideas. She was losing her mojo. She tried pouring her heart into her fuel cell research. But that didn’t help either. After all a battery is a battery and one can only get a charge out of it for so long. What to do? What what what?
Then one following day at a hot yoga class while in deep meditation, it came to her in a flash. What she needed was new sole. Hot, jamming, rockin’ new sole to get her mojo back. Somewhere in the universe, she had heard of John Fluevog but now she knew. She knew this was the place for her to get her mojo back and get Mr. Bore off her shoulder and out of her life. There and then, Nancy hopped into her dented but cool, 8 year old Prius and drove to the nearest Fluevog store. When she arrived, the clouds parted, the heavens opened and clarity came to her. She could finally see her old mojo coming back to her. No more conforming to Mr. Bore and his boring ideas.
‘YAHOO!’ Nancy cried, and then she called Rufus to come to the store quick.
By the time Rufus arrived, she had tried most everything in the store on and was bursting with renewed mojo. She settled on one pair and euphorically asked if Rufus wanted to make love to her. Rufus, in a moment of good sense, said that they should wait until they got home.
That’s the story of how Nancy got her mojo back. Pretty simple really when you think about it. And no, she never listened to Mr. Bore again, nor did he ever dare bother her again.
And as you probably guessed, Rufus and Nancy did make a little Rufus together later that day. And if you’ve ever had one of those, you’ll know that those little things are no bore at all.
Photos: Spencer Entomologial Collection, UBC
Photographer: Don Griffiths